Hello. I am Jacki. There is a TikTok Account That I Use for Comfort
And I'm kind of really embarrassed about it and I don't know why.
I've felt so much weird, displaced shame for going to this account when I feel altogether too swirly in the brain area. I have no idea why, it's not even a strange or sad or even silly account.
It's a parenting account. That's it. Not even a preachy one. More of a lead by example kind of thing. With explanations of why she does the things she does.
It's a young mom with two toddlers, 2-ish and 4-ish. They may be older now, but once I meet you the first time, you are that age forever. Their names are Carter and Jonah and they bring me such joy.
On her account she shows snippets of their lives. The kids are learning to cook and honestly, the 4-year old can do better than me on some dishes. 😂
But it's wild to see a 2 year old prepare his mom's morning coffee drink on his own (pre-measured, of course. Jonah just has to pour it all into her glass) . Or that same 2 year old, weilding a knife to cut veggies for he and his brother's lunch.
Can you imagine? If you've had a 2 year old, you'll know how outlandish this scenario is. But then, I think - how else are they gonna learn?
Yes, they make messes. Sometimes big ones. And the mom has taught them to work through the frustration that comes with making a mess. Instead of focusing on punishment to teach her kids a lesson when this happens, she accepts that they understand what they did caused a mess and talks them through the steps to remedy the situation. Calmly and respectfully.
Now, I don't know about how you grew up, but for me? If I spilled something it was an insta-yell or inst-overreaction of some sort.
What did that teach me? Well, it taught my brain to be afraid of doing literally anything while people watched me, lest they find out I'm doing it the "wrong way" and yell at me.
There is a scene in "Mad Men" before Don had even doinked Megan yet. They were on a trip to Los Angeles, with Megan acting as the kid's nanny. They are at lunch at, like, a Howard Johnson's or something and Bobby spills his milkshake.
You can see Don's panicked reaction, used to Betty (his ex-wife's) historical hysterical overreactions. You can see the kids reactions, tense and scared. But Megan, she's calm and collected. It's a mess, but it was mistake and mistakes happen.
I guess this TikTok account kind of reinforces my latest blog, too, huh?
I dunno why this is even a blog, tbh. I just wanted other people to know about Jonah and Carter and their gentle, loving mom. To know it's possible, I guess.
And that cycles can be broken. The mom is very open and vocal about how she grew up and how that style of parenting affected her, even still as an adult. She also vows never to do the same to her kids. I am amazed at the strength that must have taken.
So, I dunno, remember that there is strength in being gentle and feeling your feelings and letting other people feel theirs. I have been afraid of real feelings for so long, this account has been immensely helpful for this 45-year-old weirdo lady.
SO important! Mistakes are just MISTAKES, not intentional messes or affronts.