Christmas TV Episodes + Brain Thoughts

Yesterday, as promised, I did nothing but eat charcuterie and watch Christmas TV.

Well, if I'm being 100% honest, I also had two cake breaks and the cake was this amazing vegan dark dark dark chocolate cake with Pixar-mom thicc frosting. I de-vegan-ed it by pouring heavy cream all up on it not once, but twice. 

But that's what you do with a Pixar mom, right? You cream all up on it! And it's so good and tasty and sinful and decadent that you do it again, right?

That took a turn. But I mean this cake takes my brain to a dark place. I ain't ashamed though. What sin is there in enjoying something indulgent?

None. 

Here is a pic of my charcuterie plate:

The manchego was my favorite part. As it often is. We also had a champagne cheddar and a non-smoked provolone, but I like the sharp dryness of the manchego more than the creaminess or the epic cheesiness. 

I like my cheese like I like my comedians, I guess. 

I don't know how much elbow-nudging I need to do when writing sometimes. Like, I know the smart people will understand that I like my comedy dry and sharp, but I want to be inclusive so... do I point it out? Or is that patronizing? I definitely don't want to be that because as a woman who grew up in the 80s, I 100% know how that feels. 

And it's gross and it makes me feel small and like I am expected to be dumb. As a people pleaser it's real hard not to dumb myself down because I know how validating it feels to be smarter than someone else and I want the people around me to be happy. 

But at the same time that's a detriment to my own happiness, which is not something I want either. 

I've been thinking about shit like this a lot lately and part of the results of those thoughts is this blog. I decided to just free flow this stuff... in part inspired by my longest blog read of all time mimismartypants' no delete thursdays. 

I don't want to be anything but me. Not whatever I was in the past. Not whatever projection or expectation you have of me. Not whatever role you expect me to fill. Not whatever person I think I need to be for people to like me. 

Just me. Then the right people will appreciate me.