Having a Uterus in this Country Fucking Sucks

I had something else planned, but I just can't bring myself to write it. I tried, I did. I promise. 

Okay, well not really. I tried to write another blog for about 5 minutes but the anger just kept bubbling over. 

We officially sold the Orlando house yesterday and funds were hitting our account almost at the same moment I heard the news. 

In case you didn't already hear, Roe v. Wade was overturned today. 

So I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in a literal instant. 

So if you were wondering what all the "Handmaid's Tale" posts were about, it's that. 

Just a warning... this blog will not have any shape to it, just a bunch of anger that is swirling around in my brain. And I know I'll probably say something wrong, but I'm feeling a lot of things, so I'm being gentle with myself. Sometimes my brain fixates on a small detail in the picture and it makes the rest of it difficult to see. 

What does this mean for me, now that I live in Michigan?

Welp, with Roe v. Wade overturned, it is likely that a 1931 law making abortion illegal will take effect. 

Here is the 1931 law. 

The wording honestly terrifies me. Not for me, personally -  I am an old and my partner is fully vaxxed (both covid and the ball snip).

But I can see how this could effect the people with uteruses I've met so far up here, and all those I haven't met yet. 

Imagine going through one of the most terrifying and sad times in your life, losing a baby.

You're scared, you don't know what's happening, you're grieving the loss of something you were looking so forward to. 

While all of this terrifying uncertainty is happening, some stranger comes in and asks you a series of pointed questions to make sure you didn't cause this on purpose. 

Who the FUCK does that serve? Who gets literally ANYTHING out of that?

I can 100% percent see this old law being abused in a scary controlling way. And apparently that is the detail my brain decided to focus on. 

Now, I'm not saying that this is what happens now as it is not an experience I have had personally. That was just my brain's immediate reaction and interpretation when reading that law. 

However, here is an experience I did have personally - 

I didn't know I was pregnant. (I will tell the story in full one day. Just not today.)

I had bad cramps, spent a lot of hours just trying to go back to sleep and eventually ended up in the ER. 

Where I found out I was having a wee baby. 

It happened THAT FAST.

And I had her that night. 

And she (obviously) changed my life. 

But - I went long enough not knowing I was pregnant to give actual birth. 

I was 17, in High School and went to prom 5 days before in a dress with boning. 

Yes, I had a "period" as regularly as I was used to with my irregular teenage periods. I gained very little weight, as evidenced by the prom dress that I wore 5 days before that I had purchased 6 months in advance from a thrift shop because it made me look like a walking cloud.  

I guess what I'm saying is, it is 100% possible for INTELLIGENT humans to not realize they are pregnant long into the pregnancy. 

I was that person and, according to the doctors in the kinda country hospital I delivered in said that I had a condition where the placenta separated from the uterine lining and that explained the bleeding and her urgency to get the eff outta my womb. 

And I guess I'm also saying this - I would have been a MUCH better parent to D if I had planned and been ready for her or had time to grow up myself. She deserved better than the emergency parenting I gave her. (She is an incredible, talented young woman, despite me. And despite the situation. She's awesome.)

This is a cycle that needs to be broken. No one deserves an emergency parent. 

This ruling makes a few things feel obvious to me:

• The government doesn't care about people
• It cares about money
• Things are just going to get worse

What's next? I mean, we're obviously speeding in reverse through the decades, right?

Marriage equality seems like the obvious first domino to fall. Then what? Contraception? Females being able to have credit cards?

There is some hope. I mean, it's bleak hope and state-specific, but I have to find a glimmer. 

• According to an article on CNET, in Michigan "Gov. Gretchen Whitmer has sued to block the [1931] law, saying that the due process and equal protection clauses of the state constitution make it invalid."
• Some states, like California and Oregon, are working towards becoming "abortion sanctuary states". California's "Democratic-led legislature is considering a package of 13 bills designed to ease access to abortion and reduce the costs." 
• Walt Disney World will cover travel expenses for employees seeking abortions. 
• You can still buy Emergency Contraception online. Once I am living in a permanent place (next week!), I plan to stockpile some for those in need. Please note, however, that these pills are not as effective for those over 165 pounds. 

Even though these tiny glimmers exist, it does nothing to take away from this morning's horrifying decision. We shouldn't need to rely on these glimmers of hope because abortion should be treated as the healthcare it is. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you need an abortion but cannot afford the procedure or if you live in a state where they are unlawful, please reach out to me. I have a network of folks all over the country. We can figure something out.There is hope. You are not stuck. 

Here is a link with abortion resources, including brick & mortar locations, practical & emotional support, plus answers to legal questions, medical questions and more.  

If you need anything, you can email me at jacki@valleyofoh.com.